I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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