Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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