I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
