Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
