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So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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