dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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