my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i think i just naturally attract stoners
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize