You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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