we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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