Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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