i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
