I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
