I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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