i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
