your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
