you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
