Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
