hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
