I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
