The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
