My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
how does that bad decision feel?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
