If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize