she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
