TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
