I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
