Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
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