I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
