he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
