So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
