I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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