Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
