So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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