Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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