Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
