All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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