he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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