real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
