Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
