We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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