i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
