just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
