If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
