I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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