went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
