Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
