I think my vagina is haunted
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
