He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
