What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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