glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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