i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
