i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
