Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
