Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
