Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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