I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
