i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
