3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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