Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
