I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
