ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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