There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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