woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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