I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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