i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
