So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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