We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
