She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
