I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize