Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
