And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
